She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
