Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
