I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
