I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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