i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
