Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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