My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
