I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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