No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
