My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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