Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
