in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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