There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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