Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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