just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
