eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
