I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
