Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize