FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
