I wish I could teleport
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
