dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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