I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
