I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
