Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
