is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
