i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
