This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
