one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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