I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
