whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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