im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
