I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
