Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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