you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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