Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
