did you get engaged???
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
