Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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