I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
