One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
