Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
