he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize