You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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