So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
