if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
