kristin has been a bad kristin
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
