I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
