Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
