Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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