Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
