Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
BRING THE BAGELS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
