I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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