I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
