I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
