Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
youre lurking in front of me
its not stalking. its research.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
