I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
