I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
