so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
