I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
