this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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