The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
