I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
