When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do herpes really smell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
