I bet he comes in French.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
