He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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