Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
