Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My friends, they love my intelligence
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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