yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
