remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
