We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
