I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
