did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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