I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
