I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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