I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
