did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
