Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
