he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
