I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
