Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Randomize
