Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
