dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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