I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
