I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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