if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
