I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
