Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
