i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
