im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
