maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
