Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize