hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
