would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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