My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
