you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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