Cold hands, warm shart.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
