There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize