Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
