We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
