I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
