the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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