are you so shy because you have an std?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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