new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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