one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
