If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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