Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
