Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
