Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize