i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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