a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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