So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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