He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
