I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize