I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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