her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
