we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
