Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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