i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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