he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
