Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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