What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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