I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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