your parents love me but you hate me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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