I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
