If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
