So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize