Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
