And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
