apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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