Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
