i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
