Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
