I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
