just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
